Monday, February 25, 2008

Time to Love

"Child, when do you think is the time to love somebody the most?
When he's done good and made things easy for everybody?
That ain't the time at all.
It's when he's at his lowest...
...and he can't believe in himself because the world's whipped him so!
When you starts measuring somebody...
...measure him right, child.
Measure him right.
You make sure that you done taken into account...
...the hills and the valleys he's come through... get to wherever he is."

A Raisin in the Sun

Saturday, February 23, 2008


You know that feeling you get sometimes when you are on the edge of sleep and you are suddenly jerked awake? It is a falling sensation and it actually has a name... hypnagogic myoclonic.

Studies have shown that seventy percent of people experience hypnagogic myoclonic or hypnic jerks. So, that makes it normal, I suppose. Doctors say that people who have these episodes are over tired or usually fighting sleep. Others say that having too much on your mind or experiencing high levels of stress may be the cause.

I am one of the normal people who have had hypnic jerks once in a while. Seems I am a magnet for jerks... But I have found that they tend to be brought on my worry or concern or the thought that something is wrong. Sometimes, I just know things... you know? And until I can prove it or disprove it, whatever "IT" is, I can't rest. Then the jerking begins.

Most recently, I experienced chronic hypnic jerking while spending the night with a close friend. I have always had trouble sharing a bed. Unless I trust you implicitly, it is difficult for me to rest with you beside me, sharing covers. It's been tough on my relationships. Although, I suppose I should have recognized the inability to sleep beside a man as a sign that I should not be with him. (Aha moment...) But I never had a restful sleep in this last fellow's bed. And just when I would start to drift off... JERK! Wide awake again.

If only hypnogogic myoclonic occurred in the waking hours. Just before you're about to max out your credit card on socks and underwear... Moments before you say the wrong thing at the wrong time... About the same time Mr. Wrong (even for right now) orders another round of drinks... More jerks could equal less mistakes.

And in that case being a jerk magnet wouldn't be a a bad thing!

Friday, February 22, 2008


At every turn, I seem to be confronted with the whole of my life. Not a piece of it. Not one aspect of it. Not a chapter. The whole damn thing.

Songs on the radio seem to be a reflection of my life. Stories on the news, movies on the Hallmark channel, challenges on MTV's Gauntlet III... all mirror images of my life.

Tonight I saw Avenue Q for the first time. First, let me say that I LOVED that show. Brilliant. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. But while it seemed to be every little dirty thing you ever imagined about Sesame Street and it addressed contemporary societal issues, it also seemed to tell my current life story.

There was a slew of unemployed characters, just like me. The first song of the show was "it sucks to be me" and I related completely. Then there was the friends who became lovers until "Princeton" decided he didn't want a girlfriend because he needed to find himself. Ah yes, I am familiar with this scenario. Of course the story wouldn't have been complete if sweet little Kate Monster (that's me) wouldn't have eloquently sung "Fine Line," schooling us all on the fine line between love and wasting your time. Kate's solo provided the AHA moment of the night. Those little muppets really captured the finer details of my existence these days.

As much as I try to avoid it, my life is everywhere. I'm wondering what the message is that God is trying to send me by placing reminders around every corner. Maybe it's obvious... I shouldn't avoid life? Or maybe there is something I am not seeing in the reality of it that I will recognize in others. Whatever it is, I hope I figure it out before I end up on Maury or Montel or Dr. Phil.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Baseball Ahead!

For some, Spring officially arrives at the sighting of the first robin or when the first tulip pokes through the ground. For me Spring has sprung when the first baseball player steps on the diamond. The crack of the bat and the pop of the ball in a glove sounds like hope to me. A new season filled with new opportunity lies just ahead.

There's some concern surrounding my St. Louis Cardinals. The media is convinced that our boys are too young and inexperienced and that the departure of veterans Scott Rolen, David Eckstein and Jim Edmonds spell the demise for the Redbirds.

I will admit, the loss of Jim Edmonds leaves a vast hole in the makeup of this team and his knowledge and experience and leadership could have benefited young outfielders like Rick Ankiel, Ryan Ludwick and Chris Duncan. But Edmonds required coaxing to step up as a leader on the team. And each of those outfielders had some time with him last season during which, I hope he imparted words of wisdom and tips of the trade. It's time now for each of them to step up. Ludwick and Ankiel have been around a while. And even though they don't have the gold gloves or all-star appearances or everyday stats to elevate them into leadership roles, I think they have the respect of others and the ability to rally the troops and be the glue this team will need to hold it together through the first couple of months of the season.

Experience is valuable. But chemistry is everything. No matter the age of the player or how seasoned he is, if he can bond with his teammates and learn to play well with others, the team will succeed. Playing a team sport is a lot like singing in a choir.

Believe it or not, there is far more training involved in putting together a good choir than just getting in a room and singing in the same key. In order to be a good choir member, you must be able to hear your part and sing it boldly while maintaining an ear for the singers around you. In other words, if you can't hear the voices on either side of you, you are singing too loudly. You are not being a good choir singer.

So it goes in team sports. You must play your position to the best of your ability and give 100%. All the while, you must be mindful of the players around you, hear them, see them... You must play beside your teammates. You must maintain a team mindset. You are not the star. Sometimes, you may be a soloist but you are still a member of the whole. When everyone knows his part, the whole group succeeds.

Our boys might be young but they are talented. And the guys we've lost were merely members... not the whole. The Cubs can spend all the money they want. The Reds and the Astros can bring in the arms and Pittsburgh can rebuild at a rapid pace. Names may change and faces may not be the same but they are still the Cardinals.

The Cardinals will always be in the race. That's who the Cardinals are. That's what they do.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Tomorrow isn't promised

No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ~Euripides

Sometime in my early 20s, I realized that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Although there was still a part of me that thought myself invincible. Every year that passes the truth, once spoken by Euripides, becomes more real to me. So many people I have known have been taken prematurely in death. Four people in the last four years before they reached the age of forty...

Death may be the greatest of all human blessings. ~Socrates Apology

Because it's taken out of context, I am not sure that I am intepreting Socrates as intended but there are only two blessings I can think of that can come from death. One would be the end of suffering. The other would be an awakening for those who are left behind.

Before I received the news that another friend of mine died this week, I had spent a lot of time reflecting on my life and the person I have been, trying to decide what legacy I want to leave this world. It is important to me to be the person that I present myself to be: honest, loyal, caring and concerned, loving and faithful, sincere, hopeful, determined, encouraging, etc. And there have been moments in my life when I have not lived up to that list.

As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death.
~Leonardo da Vinci

So I have decided to try to right some wrongs I have committed in the last six months. But I realize that righting wrongs is not enough. I have decided to move forward, living life with NO REGRETS, living carefully and considerately, making sure that the people I love always know that I love them and leaving a legacy of kindness and friendship, if nothing else.

I want to spend my days well because I don't know which day will be my last. And I want to live my life well so that in my death, my life will be celebrated.

A lesson from Phil...

It seems that every year for the last four I have written about the loss of a friend. Unfortunately, 2008 will be no different. Two days ago, my friend Phil Williams died.

Phil and I met at a St. Louis Cardinals game, in the bleachers at the old busch stadium, roughly 9 years ago. We were instant friends and eventually, we became family. (That's the beauty of baseball that most people never get to experience... a blog for another time.)

He was one of the most caring people I have ever met. He cared passionately about the people in his life and when he asked "how are you," he expected an honest answer. Phil relentlessly teased his friends but loved them whole-heartedly at the same time. On a personal note, Phil looked out for me. He told me all the time that I deserved better in life and in love. He told me to stop letting men treat me like crap. But he also told me not to forget to have fun in the process.

Phil was one of my biggest fans. He encouraged me constantly and loved to hear me sing the Canadian National Anthem. There's not often cause to sing that anthem during a Cardinals game but when Larry Walker, a native Canadian, played right field for the Cards, Phil thought Walker was a good reason. Every time Walker stepped up to the plate, Phil would turn to me and request the Canadian anthem. That song was just words and melody until now. Now, it will have meaning.

Phil rode the same rollercoaster that they rest of us ride. He had ups and downs, moments of unsurety and clarity. But he lived through it all with a smile on his face and his arms opened wide. Every greeting from Phil included his signature smile and a big hug.

I think it is human nature to focus more on the people in our lives after they have left us. Whether their departure comes in death or we sever ties for other reasons, we don't always realize what people contribute to our lives until they are no longer able to do so.

Phil Williams taught me to smile. He regularly confirmed my belief that hugs are powerful and that laughter is contagious.

Our baseball family has lost another member. I have lost a friend.

But in just over six weeks, when the baseball season gets under way, I will walk into that stadium and sit behind the seat where Phil has left a permanent mark (literally with black permanent marker) and I will heckle the bullpen and shout at the opposing teams outfielders and I will have a beer and remember Phil. And I will do it with a smile.

Monday, February 11, 2008


I don't write about work here. People get fired for blogging about work. Potential employers scour the internet looking for your blogs and your social network pages and they google the hell out of your name. While I am current ly looking for work and potential employers are researching who I am and what I do, I am going to write about work anyway. For the first time...

I do not LIVE TO WORK. I am not going to lie. And I wouldn't say I simply WORK TO LIVE either. I fall somewhere in the middle. I am good at a lot of things and when I am doing those things, I am happy and excited and I can't wait to go to work every day.

The biggest part of my career satisfaction comes in the people. If I was digging ditches or running my own company, I would want to be surrounded by people that I look forward to seeing every day. In every job I have had, I have met at least one life-long friend and I have come away with a handful of people in mind that I hoped to cross paths with and work with again. (In a big, small town like St. Louis, that is altogether possible.)

I believe the success of any company lies in it's roster of employees. The ability to build a team that can set aside personal agendas and collaborate to acheive common goals is critical. Stepping back and letting good people do good work is an admirable quality for any owner or boss. Recognizing the undervalued, high-performance members of your staff and never over-valuing certain employees simply because you like them or because they have befriended you demonstrates your commitment to success and your loyalty to your people.

I think I know a lot, don't I? For someone who has never run her own company, I sure have a lot of opinions, huh? Yes... I do. I have been working among the ranks for ten years now. I see everything from the bottom up. And I have worked as a manager. Too often I have seen the failure of companies and have been trapped in the middle of it or I have gone down with the ship because nobody ever asked what I thought or how I felt or what I would do.

The seeming disdain that employers hold for employees with an opinion or with a voice is astounding. And the profound lack of integrity that exists in many companies today is disturbing to me. Dishonesty and underhandedness seems to run rampant. Owners and CEOs seem to lack a moral compass. The workplace is overrun by arrogance.

I have worked in companies where management is threatened by the experience and education of it's employees and because of that the revolving door is moving at the speed of light. I have been a part of startups that sink before they swim because ownership teams refuse to collaborate or consider the input of employees. I have witnessed the deterioration of firms who could have had a bright future had the executives kept their pants on and recognized that while youth is refreshing and invigorating in the bedroom, inexperience in the workplace can be stifling or worse yet, damaging.

So what's the point of all of this, other than to get a few things off my chest? I guess the point is, I don't want to work in these places any more.

If that hurts my chances of getting any one of the great jobs I have been interviewing for, that's fine. It probably wouldn't have been a good fit anyway. But the company who pulls me in, respects my opinion, hires me to be who I am and not merely who they want me to be and trusts me to do the job that I am really good at and to do it my way is going to hit the jackpot.

And someday, when I am the boss, so will my employees.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Want vs. Need

Knowing what I want in my personal life and what I need in my personal life and figuring out the differences between the two is the most difficult life task I have. But I have come to discover that not having a firm grasp on either is what causes my impulsive decisions and my erratic behavior. This uncertainty is the source of my emotional angst and my personal trials.

What do I want?

I want excitement. I want adventure and risk. I want Romancing the Stone, Top Gun, the Legend of Zorro. I want a bad boy, a diamond in the rough, who's tall and rugged and handsome and whose eyes speak to me. I want a little irreverence and I want a challenge. There's a part of me that wants to be loved only half way, as ridiculous as that sounds. I want passion, to be held as if he'll never let me go and to be kissed with reckless abandon (as they say). I want spontenaity. I want unending desire. I want to never be alone again.

What do I need?

I need to be loved, completely, in spite of, unconditionally. And I need to hear it often until I know it and believe it. I need to be considered. I need to be put first... not always but when it is important. I need understanding and patience and kindness. I need truth and honesty, a man of integrity. I need someone to be with me, to sit with me, to talk with me and walk with me in the rain or the sun… I need someone to laugh with me and cry with me and lie quietly with me under the stars. I need someone to experience life with me, to learn with me and seek adventure with me. I need someone to hope with me and dream with me and to make dreams come true with me. I need to be held as if he'll never let me go and to be kissed with reckless abandon (as they say). I need a friend. I need An Officer & A Gentleman, An Affair to Remember, When Harry Met Sally, Jerry Maguire.

So there it is, I guess. What I want and what I need... A portion of the "what I need" section was actually pulled from a love letter that I wrote and never sent. It seems I have always known what I need, I have just chosen to ignore it or hide it under that list of wants. The wants have taken precedence in my LIVE FOR THE MOMENT, wild and crazy life. A life that suited me in my 20's and even early 30's...

Suddenly, what I need has risen to the top. Finding and getting what I want has come so easily. I don't know that I know how to find or get what I need.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

"Have a Nice Single Life, Ma'am"

Last Sunday, I anticipated a rough week ahead. Job interviews, travel and the anniversary of my son's birthday lurked around the corner. Preparing myself mentally for the week was a futile effort. I could barely focus knowing what was in store for me combined with the egocentric, sociopathic bullshit I have been dealing with in my personal life.

Surprisingly, the week went well. I made it through my difficult anniversary without tears this year. It was a time of reflection but I wasn't a total wreck for the first time. My interviews were actually fun. The travel was hectic but the people-watching associated with it was entertaining and the alone time was much needed. And I ended up contracting with an agency in Kansas City for a while. Not to mention there seemed to be gorgeous men at every turn and my career ego got the boost I needed to proceed with some plans I have had in mind for a while.

In the midst of it, however, I received a phone call from a match-making service. Admittedly, I had wandered onto the service's website through a link on my Facebook page. It was advertised as dating for people over 30. I haven't had a date in quite a few weeks and my birthday is quickly approaching so I thought... WHAT THE HECK! I ventured on to the site, put in just enough information to browse through my potential dates' profiles and a page popped up that said, "GREAT EXPECTATIONS! A representative will be calling you shortly."


What did I do? I really just wanted to look around. I didn't want to buy anything... just a little window shopping.

Five days later in the midst of my crazy week, the representative called. The number came up on my caller-ID as unavailable but I figured it was my sister so I answered. Sheepishly, I explained that I really didn't want any more information on the service. She pestered me for a moment but I said I had changed my mind and was not interested.

Finally, she sighed loudly and yelled, "HAVE A NICE SINGLE LIFE MA'AM!" And she hung up on me.

"Hmm..." I thought. "I will!"

Silly woman thought that was an insult... It was JUST the encouragement I needed in the moment. While her tone was dispicable, her timing was impeccable. And now, I too have "great expectations."

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Always on Your Side

Although I don't have trouble expressing feelings, there have been moments in the last month when the signals I've emitted have been confusing and frustrating to the people I am close to... So, tonight I step aside for Sheryl Crow and the lyrics for "Always on Your Side."

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Soldier and a Generous Few

Tonight, I watched a story unfold before me that is usually only told by preachers and politicians.

After almost five hours of sitting in an airport, waiting for fog to settle, a small group of passengers, including myself, boarded a huge plane bound for a line of stormy weather and, eventually, St. Louis. Barely one-third of the plane was occupied. I had a whole row of seats to myself. I marveled at how relaxed everyone seemed during boarding and preparation for take-off. Less people made it all seem less stressful. And everyone was so much friendlier.

Once all the luggage was stowed and people were seated, a flight attendant spoke over the intercom. She informed us that there was a soldier on board. A young man who looked barely old enough to vote or buy a beer. He was headed home from Iraq for the birth of his first child. His travel plans were arranged to get him to St. Louis but he needed a ride from the airport to Effingham, IL. The flight attendant asked if anyone was headed that way who could give the young man a ride. Nobody volunteered.

Suddenly another man stood up and walked to the front of the plane and soon enough another announcement was made. If we couldn't give him a ride, the flight attendant suggested, it might be nice if we could pay for one for him.

And the "offering cup" was passed. And people dropped twenty dollar bills in and some put in every little bit of cash they had. (This is a plastic world afterall.) I don't know how much money was collected but the cup surely runneth over.

Although, I didn't know the name of one other person on that plane, I felt proud to sit among that grateful and generous group of people. I was honored to be a part of them.

And I don't know the name of that soldier either... But I hope he's home safe.

Monday, February 04, 2008


An anniversary... a date marking the remembrance of a significant event. Not necessarily happy...

This week marks 8 years... 8 years since what would have been the most significant event of my life and my greatest achievement. It would have been the fulfillment of a lifelong dream but it is now my greatest failure and the most devastating date of the year for me. And, while the tragedy of this week actually occurred months prior, this was THE date. It was the date that I anticipated anxiously. It was a date filled with hope and promise. It was the date that my legacy would begin.

For 8 years, I have been praying for new memories to fill the first week of February. I have been longing for something joyous to replace the guilt and sadness and grief I feel each year at this time. Or something happy to at least balance it all out.

Others don't understand why or how I've held onto this for so long. But others did not live through it. This is my personal storm. And getting through it, is so tough for me. I need those around me to set aside judgement and pull on their rain coats and sit tight with me, supportively. I need them to put me first for a little while and to understand, not how or why I've held on but that I can't let go and I can't get through without a little help.

This anniversary that was supposed to be so wonderful and amazing brings out the worst in me. It happens every year. It forces others to take cover rather than take my hand. It causes some to hold back rather than hold me. Some leave altogether. And the loneliness of the first year... is repeated year after year after year.

Here's to 8 years...

Signs & Reasons

I believe in "signs." Not the directional kind but the spiritual, of-the-universe kind of signs. They don't just tell you where to go in the moment but they guide you in the right direction for life. I also believe the saying "things happen for a reason." It may not be a reason with which I am comfortable but there is ultimately a reason.

I have experienced my fair share of heartache in many areas of my life and to continue to believe this way has not been easy. However, the idea that life's events are random is more difficult for me to wrap my head around. There MUST be a reason for everything. Otherwise... why?

Today, I traveled to Chicago. Two flights were canceled and the third was delayed five times. Then I sat on the runway for over an hour in a plane full of disgruntled human beings. The events were outside of my control so there was no sense in putting a lot of energy into worrying or getting frustrated. And I thought there had to be a reason for my delay in getting to Chicago. There had to be something on the other end that was either worth the wait, in a big way, or a waste of my time.

Believing in the signs is one thing... Accurately interpreting them is something else all together. My initial interpretation was that it just wasn't meant for me to get here. But since I have been here, nothing but good things have happened. It's been a total ego boost.

Now as I sit here, unable to get home due to bad weather, I wonder if... maybe I'm not meant to go home.

Sunday, February 03, 2008


In the last week, I've received a number of emails from my readers empathizing with the emotional pain I have been experiencing due to the end of a relationship. So many of you are in the same place I am right now or have had similar experiences. I commented to one online friend that it is good to know there are others in the same boat with me. It doesn't make it easier but I figure if there are a lot of us in this boat, I have to believe we are headed somewhere. (More arms to paddle with!) If I was alone, I would be concerned that I was just left to drift at sea.

The reality of what we are all going through is really tough to swallow. There is a refusal within each of us to believe that these people don't want us. No matter the depths or the length or the intensity of a relationship, rejection sucks.

Because of this situation, I have been feeling like I am going crazy. I have admitted to you already that I have exhibited behaviors not only unbecoming of an intelligent, talented, beautiful woman like myself but completely contrary to the woman that I am. While rejection is not new to me, the feelings I experienced through this relationship were completely new. I remember sitting at a table with four other fabulous and beautiful single women, all in the same age range as me, and describing how I felt as best I could and they all said to me, "you're in love!" And I thought, "Oh... that's what that is!" It was exciting but slightly disheartening in that I had discovered something I had been waiting a lifetime to feel but it was with someone who couldn't love me in the same way.

So I have searched for answers and help and justification everywhere. I mean... WHY WOULD GOD PUT ME THROUGH THIS? It's unfair and not deserved. I don't have the answer to that but I have stumbled upon a blog called GETTING PAST YOUR PAST written by Susan J. Elliott. Reading her story was encouraging but reading through some of the entries on the blog sort of scared me! It was as if she had been spying on me, watching my life or reading my mind.

I am adding a link to her blog under "more stuff you should read." Go there. It is really helpful and encouraging. There are some ideas there I would like to try to put to use too. And if any of my readers need to work on this stuff with other people, let me know. Maybe we can get a group together. Trust me you guys, there are a lot of us occupying this space right now. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

In the meantime, please check this link out to get you started. This entry brought me to tears but I needed to read it and it was right on time:

Be encouraged my friends. We will get through. All of us. Even me.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Quotes on Character

"The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back." -Abigail Van Buren

"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value." -Albert Einstein

"Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If you will think about what you ought to do for other people, your character will take care of itself. Character is a by-product, and any man who devotes himself to its cultivation in his own case will become a selfish prig." -Woodrow Wilson

"Character, not circumstance, makes the person."— Booker T. Washington

“The measure of a man's character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out.” — Baron Thomas Babington Macauley

"Every man has three characters: that which he shows, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has." — Alphonse Karr

"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I Don't Feel Like It

There are a lot of things I don't feel like doing.

Anyone who knows me knows I hate to take out the trash. In fact, I reference trash a lot in my blog and that's no coincidence. It's not because trash removal is an ardous task. I just don't feel like it most of the time.

There are a lot of things I don't feel like doing.

Unfortunately, life isn't all about me and how I feel. Sometimes I must set aside my "I don't feel like it" attitude and dive into situations that I am less than comfortable with because it is what is needed by someone else. Sometimes, you have to force yourself into feeling like it for the greater good.

There are a lot of things that I don't feel like doing but if it means that much to you, I will.


When you spend a big part of your life putting others first, standing up and demanding your "turn" proves difficult for two reasons. One, it seems unnatural. And two, the rebellious reaction from the world around you , the world that is accustomed to you taking a back seat, is overwhleming and nearly overpowering.

Putting others first is not a bad thing. I believe it is ideal, in fact. Considering others is essential to finding peace. Until we learn to do this globally, we will always be at war. But putting others first is not about neglecting oneself, nor is it about pleasing all of the people all of the time. It is simply consideration. It is thinking of others before making a decision or before speaking or before acting in one way or another. Consideration.

There are many who believe that they put others first in life because the decisions they face and the options they see for themselves are seemingly more beneficial for others than for them. Choosing one of those options does not make you selfless. You are not putting others first because you made a decision that wasn't what you wanted. Not getting what you want in life doesn't make you selfless. The selfless man sees the options before him and makes a decision because it is the right decision and does not lament the loss of opportunity when that decision benefits the ones he loves. And I am going to guess that nine times out of ten, if you are in a situation where none of the choices you have are a reflection of what you want, you put yourself there. So, it's your own fault if you never get what you want.

Consideration is CONTINUOUS and careful thought. It is thoughtful and sympathetic regard. It is an opinion obtained by REFLECTION.

It is possible to integrate consideration into your life and still take your turn. The key is in the continuous and careful thought.