In the last week, I've received a number of emails from my readers empathizing with the emotional pain I have been experiencing due to the end of a relationship. So many of you are in the same place I am right now or have had similar experiences. I commented to one online friend that it is good to know there are others in the same boat with me. It doesn't make it easier but I figure if there are a lot of us in this boat, I have to believe we are headed somewhere. (More arms to paddle with!) If I was alone, I would be concerned that I was just left to drift at sea.
The reality of what we are all going through is really tough to swallow. There is a refusal within each of us to believe that these people don't want us. No matter the depths or the length or the intensity of a relationship, rejection sucks.
Because of this situation, I have been feeling like I am going crazy. I have admitted to you already that I have exhibited behaviors not only unbecoming of an intelligent, talented, beautiful woman like myself but completely contrary to the woman that I am. While rejection is not new to me, the feelings I experienced through this relationship were completely new. I remember sitting at a table with four other fabulous and beautiful single women, all in the same age range as me, and describing how I felt as best I could and they all said to me, "you're in love!" And I thought, "Oh... that's what that is!" It was exciting but slightly disheartening in that I had discovered something I had been waiting a lifetime to feel but it was with someone who couldn't love me in the same way.
So I have searched for answers and help and justification everywhere. I mean... WHY WOULD GOD PUT ME THROUGH THIS? It's unfair and not deserved. I don't have the answer to that but I have stumbled upon a blog called GETTING PAST YOUR PAST written by Susan J. Elliott. Reading her story was encouraging but reading through some of the entries on the blog sort of scared me! It was as if she had been spying on me, watching my life or reading my mind.
I am adding a link to her blog under "more stuff you should read." Go there. It is really helpful and encouraging. There are some ideas there I would like to try to put to use too. And if any of my readers need to work on this stuff with other people, let me know. Maybe we can get a group together. Trust me you guys, there are a lot of us occupying this space right now. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
In the meantime, please check this link out to get you started. This entry brought me to tears but I needed to read it and it was right on time: http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/12/29/1229-tftd-when-the-person-you-love-doesnt-love-you/
Be encouraged my friends. We will get through. All of us. Even me.