Friday, December 23, 2011

Being 40: A Christmas Gift Giving Guide

Christmas is two days away and if you are like me at all, struggling to get into the Christmas spirit, you still have two or... five... more gifts to pick up. If one of those gifts is for THIS 40 year old gal, let me give you a few suggestions.


My nephew has suggested that I need a security system and a gun or other weapon of some sort. I would prefer a friendly companion. A dog perhaps. And I'd like a big dog who is cuddly and lovable but has a demonstrative bark. I have a friend at Purina that told me if I rescued a black dog, she'd give me free food so... keep that in mind as well.

I don't believe that all the good men are taken. I just, frankly don't have time to hunt one down, tie him up, throw him in the Jeep and bring him home. So it would be hugely helpful if you could take that off of my plate. I'm thinking Hollywood. I'm thinking hot. He doesn't have to be able to carry a good conversation but taking out the trash and pulling the car around when it's raining will be required. Zach Levi might be good. He's so unexpectedly yummy. Or Shemar Moore who is obviously yum but surprisingly single. I hear Edward Burns is married to Christy Turlington but may you could talk to her first. He just seems like such a stable guy. I know, I know... you're thinking, "No Puerto Ricans or Cubans on the list?" I've been that route. Many times. And while Latino men in general still rank in my top ten, it seems you can't hold 'em down for too long. I don't need someone who is going to escape quickly.
I saw a quote yesterday that said, "There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't leave." All I can say about that is... YES.


That's right. Show me the money. Whatever last minute thing you were going to pick up for me at Walgreens is lovely, I'm sure. But I would honestly prefer the cash value. I just bought a house and I'm feeling a little house poor right now. And if I am going to be adding a puppy and a Hollywood hottie to my household, I am going to need a few extra bucks laying around. I take checks too.
I hope that helps and doesn't send you completely back to the drawing board. But I know how difficult I can be to shop for. Be careful out there! I don't want to see any of you on the news. And enjoy your holiday weekend.

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