Tuesday, March 25, 2008

We still see you

Removing yourself from a situation and expecting it to just go away is like covering your eyes with your hands and thinking you're invisible.

You may not be standing in the midst of it or be in any direct contact with others involved but the situation still exists. You may not be able to see it but the situation lives on.

Any time we experience something that makes us uncomfortable, we naturally want to avoid it. And those of us who are sensitive to the feelings of others steer clear of anything that will cause others pain. If we have caused someone else pain, we want to avoid them as well. It is our gut instinct to run away.

Deep down I think we all know that we are not sparing anybody any pain, resolving any issues or altering circumstances by removing ourselves or limiting our involvement. The only way to accomplish any of those things is to stick around and work through it. But that's so hard. And it requires so much effort. It also makes us see ourselves for who we really are and acknowledge our role in these events. We can no longer blame others for our own behavior or feelings. It requires honesty and a commitment to make things right or at least make them less wrong.

And more times than not, it gets worse before it gets better. It's harder and the pain is intensified. It is darkest before the dawn. But surviving the bad times shows the character and strength of a relationship.

Covering your eyes until you think you're invisible might feel easier. But it only makes you look silly and prolongs the inevitable. We can all still see you. So, let's put those hands to good use. And deal with life... and eventually... get on with it.


Pancake Master said...

...but sometimes putting those hands to use is just picking at a wound that needs to heal over. It's not always necessarily covering your eyes and pretending it's gone or waiting futilely for it to go away, it can be giving it time to breathe and heal and compose.b

Kelly said...

...and sometimes, when you want to make things less wrong, and work through the problems or apologize, the other person involved is not ready for that, or actually wants to be left alone.

So, when you are a person that doesn't want to cause someone you care about any more pain, you have to walk away. Give them time to heal, and then if they want to make things less wrong, hopefully, they will come back to you.