Thursday, October 02, 2008

We Thought We'd Change Him

We all thought we'd be the one to change him.

It is a common theme among women. He's almost perfect. The parts of him that don't fit the mold could be changed, right? But a new haircut or some new clothes is one thing. The way he lives his life, his likes & dislikes and his character flaws are something else. The truth is you can learn to love his quirks and his flaws but you cannot change them.

A man with a long history of dishonesty and unfaithfulness is likely to continue that behavior. And even after a long sabbatical from this harmful and selfish way of life, men who have lived it may return to it. And so I submit the following:

You are the new girl in a long line of women who have been hurt by him. As of now, you have not felt the hurt. The rest of us, no matter how many, couldn't be right about him. You know him better than the rest of us. Afterall, there are only three people in his life that he trusts implicitely and you are one of them.

Why should you listen to any of the women who came before you? We are bitter, some still angry and unforgiving. And his truth is that we are the ones who lied and cheated and treated him terribly.

Why would you listen to any of the women who came before you? We are just jealous because deep down under our facade of ire, we want him back. He's that good-looking and charming and talented that any one of us would drop everything and take him back. If ONLY he'd show up on the doorstep.

How can you listen to any of the women who came before you? It would be a betrayal of him. And so many others have betrayed him and left him behind. You can't be like all the others, disappointing him like they did.

Even if all the women who came before you stood in front of you and you could look into each of our eyes... You wouldn't care about the women who came before you. Because you think you are different. You think you are special because he tells you that you are. And he tells you how this is not like anything he's experienced before. You have set down your life and picked up his. And if you cared and listened and looked into the eyes of all those women who came before you, you would confirm one thing for yourself. At this point, without him, you have nothing.

It's just about that point when he finds the next one in line.

If you cared and listened and looked into our eyes, you might realize something else, as well. You are me. I am you. We are all the same woman in different bodies. And he sees us that way as well. No matter our diversity. We are all the same. With the same results. We all thought we'd be the one to change him.

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