This weekend, prodded by my friends who feel that I am far too pessimistic, that I don't know how good I am and that I don't believe anything good will ever happen to me... I decided, against my better judgement, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I fell into the trap of foolish optimism. That decision led to a two day roller coaster ride that took me to an unbelievable high but plunged me deep into reality a short time later.
I suppose that's what life is all about... Highs and lows... Twists and turns... Life is about the ride.
Jumping on the roller coaster takes guts, courage and at least some sense of optimism. You wouldn't get in the car if you didn't initially hope for the best outcome. A lot of people don't get on the ride. They watch from the bottom. Some of them make it through the lines of people and when they have the opportunity to board, they change their minds. Others get on but they are satisfied to sit in the middle.
I used like to sit in the front car. There was a time in my life when my cup overflowed optimistic. I liked the feeling of charging up the steep hills and the rush of air that hits your face as you sail back down at breath-taking speeds. But I learned, through far too many experiences, that sitting in the front can lead to disappointment. So I moved to the back of the ride. The last car... Perhaps it's age and the wisdom that comes from it. But I have learned to watch the people that go before me and learn from their experiences. I recall my past and what happened before so when I hit the hills, I hold on and just before the down fall, I take a deep breath.
My friends call that pessimistic. I call it realism. I know what CAN happen so I prepare myself.
In spite of all of that wisdom and age and experience... I thought for just a moment that perhaps good things can happen to Michele. Maybe I have served my time in disappointment. Maybe my number is up! I thought it was my turn for the fairy tale, for the happy ending. The stuff that doesn't happen to me, appeared to be happening. My reservations were cast aside by my cohorts. And I jumped on board... in the front car.
For a day, I lived a dream. The ride was exhilarating. It was a little scary at times but I let go. I threw my hands in the air, threw caution to the wind. It felt amazing. I was soaring.
But the ride came to an unexpected halt. Someone slammed on the brakes. And it was over.
I felt a little jerked around and I am a little bruised. And I felt really silly for having thought that this ride would be any different from the others. It's the same route, the same rail. The ride doesn't change.
It will be some time before I get back on the roller coaster. And when I do, I might sit in the middle for a while... Seat belt on, holding on tight... I might even close my eyes.