I want babies.
It’s that simple.
My mom cringes when I throw around the idea of having children without ever having gotten married. I have other relatives who are very supportive and many of my friends openly encourage me to do whatever is going to make me happy.
The fact is that I am approaching 40. I have friends who HATE IT when I say that but it’s true. And there isn’t a line of eligible bachelors outside my door. So while I would really like to find someone who gets me, elope and have some kids, I don’t have a lot of faith that that’s going to happen in the next couple of years.
Sad story? Don’t feel sorry for me. My life to this point has been far from traditional. I don’t do things the same way other people do. I am not wired the same way. That’s probably why finding someone who really gets me is so damn hard. I would be a great wife, a fantastic companion and while I’d be disappointed by never getting to experience a traditional relationship, it’s not going to break me. But I’d be a great mom too. I know because I have had a little part-time experience helping raise my friend’s kids. (She’s a single mom of 7.) I have hugs to give and knowledge to impart. And, there’s a selfish part of me that would like to have another ME around. So, a life without kids? That would break me.
How do I go about this idea of having babies on my own? A male is OBVIOUSLY necessary in this process. There are a lot of options. There’s always the cryogenics bank. For a small fee, you peruse a menu of men, choosing qualities like hair color and eye color and height, picking ethnicities and educational backgrounds and some places even let you see a baby picture of the prospective sperm donor. And there is the option to have some one you know donate. That would be an awkward conversation for me. “Look I can’t get knocked up on my own and I need your help…” I could just… get knocked up! People have done it in the throes of passion, in moments of irresponsibility, unknowingly… Why not do it on purpose? Well, I feel a little strange about that too.
With each possibility comes a laundry list of questions and things to consider too. The number one question no matter which route I take will be what do I tell my kid about his/her father? I guess you cross that bridge when you come to it but I’d like to have an answer before I even jump into this. And if you know the guy, what is his role? Do you even tell him? Or do you go about your business and not give him the opportunity to be a father. I mean, he might want to be. But would I want him to be?
I obviously don’t have all the answers. I am open to suggestions though. The one thing I know for sure is that I want babies.