Band Practice

For roughly three hours every day, teenagers gather in the neighbor's garage to play rock music. I'm pretty sure they think they sound like Jimmy Hendrix or Nirvana or Led Zepplin on any given day but the fact of the matter is that they really can't play. Anything. Not one song. Most of the time, it sounds like noise.

While I am admittedly not a huge fan of teenagers, I am a music lover. And I support the dreams of local musicians that either hope to make it big on an international stage one day or that simply want to play good music for their friends. Also, giving young kids a safe place to hang out with their friends is honorable. It's great that the parents can keep a watchful eye from a short distance and that the kids are at someone's home in the afternoons and Friday and Saturday nights, instead of being out on the streets getting into trouble.

But these kids are driving me insane. If they are going to blast the bass and electric guitar and bang on the drums on a daily basis, then I want them to learn an actual song. I am hoping that with a few more months of band practice and, hopefully some lessons, I will be hearing more than just the first few bars of Stairway to Heaven or the screeching of the electric guitar and the repeated beating of the bass drum. If not, however... and I am forced to continue to suffer under the current garage band regime, I may have to take action.

As I Mature

My friend Christy S. sent this to me in an email a while back but it seemed appropriate today.

As I Mature
-author unknown

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them until they panic and give in...

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are still assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others-- they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we're celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% or the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and the less important ones never seem to go away.

Old, fat, single lesbian...

I am 37 years old.

I am single.

I do not conform to society's belief that all women should be skinny.

So I am obviously a lesbian.

Normally, when an inaccurate assumption is made about me, I just correct the error and move on but the other night I was told that some people from my recent past believe that I'm gay. What an injustice to lesbians everywhere! And what a shock to me!

Being called a lesbian is not an insult. I suppose there are still some folks out there that think it's a bad thing to be gay but I'm not one of them. So I am not insulted in the least bit. But I am disappointed that people whom I believed had a genuine interest in me as a friend never took the time to get to know me. And I am more gravely disappointed that my forward-thinking friends believe that a woman who is 37, fat and single must be gay.

I am 37. And proud of it.

I am single. By choice, not by chance.

I am a curvy gal. Who probably should drop 30 lbs. but can't find the time.

So I am obviously a 37-year-old, single lady with a little more to love.

But I am not a lesbian. Sorry girls!

Obstacle Course of Female Friendship

While there are obstacles in every relationship, the course one must travel to reach true female friendship can be long and treacherous. There are many women who do not have the endurance, stamina or desire to push through the course. They have given up on the idea of true female friendship altogether or they are close with just one or two other women, cutting themselves off from the possibility that we could live in a world of women who respect, love and consider one another.

There are three major encumbrances to female friendship: selfishness, manipulation & deceitfulness.

There are a lot of selfish people in this world. But I believe selfishness in a woman is much more demonstrative, bold, brazen and often, more careless. And many selfish woman are unaware of how impactful their decisions to please self are on others around them. This selfishness is obstacle number one in female relationships.

Obstacle number two is the inherent manipulation that women possess. We all know how to get what we want. And most of us use our talents of manipulation with a positive flavor. But many orchestrate situations in a way that are hurtful and cause irreparable damage.

Deceitfulness is the third deterrent in the quest for female friendship. Lying is bad. This includes white lies, lying by omission, spinning the truth... Any way that you keep something from another or tell a story differently from the facts is deceitfulness.

Last night I was with a group of women who don't necessarily agree with my belief that we, as women, owe it to each other to try to repair our history together. Their past experiences have proven their belief that women don't make good friends. But I hold firmly to the idea that making an effort with one woman at a time can make a difference. Sometimes, you are gonna get played. That's the bottom line. But even if you don't get what you expect in return, then at least you have done your part to change the reputation of women. At least you have planted a seed of care or concern or truthfulness or consideration...

I realize that it is sometimes excruciating to move past the pain inflicted on you by other women. It's not easy to get past the fact that they'd rather sleep with your ex than nurture their relationship with you. It's hard to swallow the can't-tell-the-truth-to-save-my-life pill. Seeing beyond the fits of neediness and hatefulness is tough.

But your pure and genuine motives outweigh the ungratefulness of others. They may make you feel like the joke's on you but in the long run, the joke is on them. As is the loneliness and the sadness of never knowing or feeling or experiencing the joys and the unparalleled rewards of female friendship.

We Thought We'd Change Him

We all thought we'd be the one to change him.

It is a common theme among women. He's almost perfect. The parts of him that don't fit the mold could be changed, right? But a new haircut or some new clothes is one thing. The way he lives his life, his likes & dislikes and his character flaws are something else. The truth is you can learn to love his quirks and his flaws but you cannot change them.

A man with a long history of dishonesty and unfaithfulness is likely to continue that behavior. And even after a long sabbatical from this harmful and selfish way of life, men who have lived it may return to it. And so I submit the following:

You are the new girl in a long line of women who have been hurt by him. As of now, you have not felt the hurt. The rest of us, no matter how many, couldn't be right about him. You know him better than the rest of us. Afterall, there are only three people in his life that he trusts implicitely and you are one of them.

Why should you listen to any of the women who came before you? We are bitter, some still angry and unforgiving. And his truth is that we are the ones who lied and cheated and treated him terribly.

Why would you listen to any of the women who came before you? We are just jealous because deep down under our facade of ire, we want him back. He's that good-looking and charming and talented that any one of us would drop everything and take him back. If ONLY he'd show up on the doorstep.

How can you listen to any of the women who came before you? It would be a betrayal of him. And so many others have betrayed him and left him behind. You can't be like all the others, disappointing him like they did.

Even if all the women who came before you stood in front of you and you could look into each of our eyes... You wouldn't care about the women who came before you. Because you think you are different. You think you are special because he tells you that you are. And he tells you how this is not like anything he's experienced before. You have set down your life and picked up his. And if you cared and listened and looked into the eyes of all those women who came before you, you would confirm one thing for yourself. At this point, without him, you have nothing.

It's just about that point when he finds the next one in line.

If you cared and listened and looked into our eyes, you might realize something else, as well. You are me. I am you. We are all the same woman in different bodies. And he sees us that way as well. No matter our diversity. We are all the same. With the same results. We all thought we'd be the one to change him.