Monday, January 28, 2008

Knowing it and living it

Knowing something and living it are worlds apart. There are so many things that I know in my head. I may have studied it or heard it a thousand times from the people in my life or learned it the hard way. But no matter how I know it, I can't always grasp it and live it.

Tonight, I had a conversation with an old friend from college. Truthfully, he and I have gotten to know each other better in the last couple of years than we did while we were in school. He was encouraging me and reminding me that I deserve more than I have been settling for in life.

It's not that I don't know this.

I completely agree with his assessment of my likable personality. He couldn't be more right about my quick wit and great sense of humor and my intelligence and generosity. And sometimes I think I am "very pretty." But knowing all of that and living as if those qualities earn me the right to be treated like a queen is really tough for me.

Over the last week or two, I have been treated very poorly. I have never had anyone be so mean to me. Not in my whole life. But I have continued to be supportive yet honest. And I have offered encouragement and love and concern. All because it is in my nature... but somewhere in that nature, also because I believe that you reap what you sow and you SHOULD get what you give. And if you should get what you give then I should be getting someone as wonderful as I am.

But knowing it and living it.... are worlds apart.

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