Thursday, November 23, 2006

Liar, Liar

At this stage in life, I have come to expect at least a little bit of deception in a relationship. And, quite frankly, I'm okay with it, as long as it is the "lying by omission" brand of deception.
There are just some things I don't need to know. Like the number of women you have slept with… I know many of you are screeching, "WHAT?!" right now. The number of people a person has slept with BEFORE you is irrelevant. By definition "before" means "prior to" or "in the past." It's in the past. You can't change it or alter it or make it go away. It happened but it is irrelevant to the present moment. And as long as that number doesn't continue to grow once you have committed yourself to me, it does not matter what your number is.

There are other things I don't need to know and I will gladly let you know along the way what those things are. But there are a few basic things that it's just NOT OKAY to lie about.

1. YOUR NAME. A critical first step in getting to know someone is learning his name. So lying about it off the bat is not helping me and it is certainly not helping you. Especially when you forget to answer to your substitute name or inadvertently send an email with your real name on it… Instantly busted. Instantly a big ol' liar.

2. YOUR WIFE. Um yeah, if you're married, just be honest about it. Please don't do that "We Haven't Been Happy For Years" song and dance either. Married is married, whether it is happily, unhappily, grudgingly, or any other word that ends in 'ly." Spare the details.

3. WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. If you are honest with yourself and honest with others about what you REALLY want, you get what you want a lot faster. If you like a skinny blonde with a nice rack who's good with cars, then just say it. Don't pretend that's not what you really want. Don't waste my time oohing and ahhing and skirting the truth. GO get the blonde chick with the tiny waist and big boobs. And, if you like a lady with a little meat on her bones who's good in a car, that works too. JUST BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. Stop wasting time. You might as well have what you want. Hell, I might as well have what I want. We ALL might as well have what we want. What a wonderful world it would be.

That old cliche "honesty is the best policy" is true. For the most part... I guess a good rule of thumb is this: if someone asks you a question, they are asking it because they WANT to know the truth. So don't answer questions UNTIL THEY ARE ASKED and once the question is out there, be honest.

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