Being 40: A Christmas Gift Giving Guide

Christmas is two days away and if you are like me at all, struggling to get into the Christmas spirit, you still have two or... five... more gifts to pick up. If one of those gifts is for THIS 40 year old gal, let me give you a few suggestions.

A PUPPY

My nephew has suggested that I need a security system and a gun or other weapon of some sort. I would prefer a friendly companion. A dog perhaps. And I'd like a big dog who is cuddly and lovable but has a demonstrative bark. I have a friend at Purina that told me if I rescued a black dog, she'd give me free food so... keep that in mind as well.

A MAN

I don't believe that all the good men are taken. I just, frankly don't have time to hunt one down, tie him up, throw him in the Jeep and bring him home. So it would be hugely helpful if you could take that off of my plate. I'm thinking Hollywood. I'm thinking hot. He doesn't have to be able to carry a good conversation but taking out the trash and pulling the car around when it's raining will be required. Zach Levi might be good. He's so unexpectedly yummy. Or Shemar Moore who is obviously yum but surprisingly single. I hear Edward Burns is married to Christy Turlington but may you could talk to her first. He just seems like such a stable guy. I know, I know... you're thinking, "No Puerto Ricans or Cubans on the list?" I've been that route. Many times. And while Latino men in general still rank in my top ten, it seems you can't hold 'em down for too long. I don't need someone who is going to escape quickly.

I saw a quote yesterday that said, "There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't leave." All I can say about that is... YES.

CASH

That's right. Show me the money. Whatever last minute thing you were going to pick up for me at Walgreens is lovely, I'm sure. But I would honestly prefer the cash value. I just bought a house and I'm feeling a little house poor right now. And if I am going to be adding a puppy and a Hollywood hottie to my household, I am going to need a few extra bucks laying around. I take checks too.

I hope that helps and doesn't send you completely back to the drawing board. But I know how difficult I can be to shop for. Be careful out there! I don't want to see any of you on the news. And enjoy your holiday weekend.

Being 40: I Loved a Boy

I loved a boy who loved me back once. He made me smile. He made me laugh. Butterflies flitted around in my stomach when he got close to me and then I'd melt into his hugs because they felt like home. Safety rested in his arms and  they were the one place where I felt like I belonged.

I loved a boy who loved me back once. He understood me. We talked for hours, sharing dreams, conspiring, hoping and wondering. Moving away from his gaze seemed impossible because deep inside his sparkling eyes I could see that he just... got me.

I loved a boy who loved me back once. He put me first, ahead of everything else. Being the center of his world scared me but then I made him the center of mine because we were meant to be. Life without him became unimaginable.

But one day my whole world came crashing in on me. The boy I loved no longer loved me. I cried for what seemed an eternity because I'd lost my home, my safe place, the one place where I belonged. No one understood like he did... or like he used to. I missed his eyes, his arms, his smile, the laughter.

Then I grew up. And I forgot that boy. Until I met a man who soon I grew to love. And he loved me back.

He made me smile. He made me laugh. Butterflies flitted around in my stomach when he got close to me and then I'd melt into his hugs because they felt like home. Safety rested in his arms and they were the one place where I felt like I belonged. He understood me. We talked for hours, sharing dreams, conspiring, hoping and wondering. Moving away from his gaze seemed impossible because deep inside his sparkling eyes I could see that he just... got me.  He put me first, ahead of everything else. Being the center of his world scared me but then I made him the center of mine because we were meant to be. Life without him became unimaginable.

But one day my whole world came crashing in on me. The man that I loved no longer loved me. I cried for what seemed an eternity because I'd lost my home, my safe place, the one place where I belonged. I missed his eyes, his arms, his smile, the laughter.

Then I remembered the boy. And I thought about the man. And I wondered... Were they ever really real? Or had I made them who I wanted them to be in order to find things I was too afraid to find on my own? Joy and laughter. Safety and confidence. Hope. A world in which I was the most important being.

And then I grew up. And I forgot the boy. And I forgot the man. And I became the woman I am today.

Being 40: Being 40 is almost OVER!

Only two months left of my 40th year! I can't believe how quickly time has passed. I am now officially closer to being 41 than I am to being 40 and I still have a few more items to cross off of my TO DO list for my 40th year. That said, it's been pretty good!

Here is a short list of some of the things I've done in 10 months:

• Gotten a new job (And I am working on stuff that really matters!)
• Volunteered for the Animal Rescue Foundation
• Raised money for CARE
• Donated truck loads of food and clothing to worthy causes
• Took my family on a road trip to Memphis & hung out at the King's house
• Visited Washington D.C. for the first time with my adorable 9-year-old nephew
• Spent time in Indiana, Kentucky, Virginia, West Virginia, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Georgia too
• Sang the National Anthem at more than 10 events
• Bought a house!
• Found my brothers and sisters on my birthfather's side of the family
• Saw the Cardinals win the World Series. (That was my 3rd trip to the World Series, by the way.)

And I spent hours and hours of quality time with friends and family, including friends from grade school, high school and college. Took a few more classes toward my Masters degree and coached two 7th grade volleyball teams, one of which came in first place in the league. I didn't get married or have a baby... But there's STILL TIME! In fact, I have THREE big items left on the list. Three big things in two months? Wouldn't be the first time!

All I have to say is, if it gets better from here, 41 is going to be AMAZING.

Being 40: Going It Alone

Henry David Thoreau talked about how much he loved to be alone and Ann Landers once said that it's better to be alone than to wish you were...

I can tell you firsthand, after living in my new house for only a little more than a week. That, while I am good at being alone and have often preferred it to getting hurt, I was not made to be alone. Because I am keenly aware of this, I do my best to stay connected and involved in as many groups as possible. I keep my social schedule pretty packed too. So,  I am rarely alone.

That said there is a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. People talk about the sensation of feeling intensely lonely even when surrounded by people. I am very familiar with this. Right now, I find myself a member of three very distinct families, I have a work group and various cliques of friends but I feel profoundly lonely. And I feel incredibly alone. I don't think there's a soul out there who can relate to exactly to this phase of my life.

But man... it would be nice! Even just for a day... To not feel like I'm just going it alone.