Monday, July 18, 2011

Being 40: Dating. Again.

When I was a little girl, I imagined that I would grow up and fall in love (whatever that meant) and I'd live a cute little house cooking and ironing and darning socks for my husband and my kids. I had no idea how that all really happened but I was fairly certain of the end result that I wanted.

This story is not new to most of you. The story of my dating life is not new either. Especially to those of you that followed my blog Dating Michele over the course of my 6 months completely dedicated to dating. But the hows and whys and what fors on the journey to find happily ever after have changed in each phase of my life and, naturally, with the ever-changing technology that the world offers us. For example, I can now participate in "online" dating from my phone. Hundreds of men virtually at my fingertips. A dream come true for a girl like me... or not.

Now that I'm 40, the reason behind my dating quest has changed as well. I am no longer in a mad dash to find true love and have babies. That would obviously be wonderful. But dating for me now is more about finding someone with whom I want to share life, spend time and just be.

I can tell you that it doesn't get easier just because you get older. I think that dating, no matter your age or circumstance, is hard. So take comfort in the fact that the person you are dating is just as freaked out by it as you are even if his reason is different. And there is always doubt about being good enough or measuring up to the expectations of other people. That's why I believe it is SO IMPORTANT to really know who you are before you bring anyone else into your life.

The day before yesterday, I received a flurry of emails from a guy who had contacted me online after I told him "Thank you, but I'm not interested." But, he continued to contact me. I reminded him that I was not interested. And then he proceeded to send a stream of abusive messages referring to me by a name that starts with B and ends with H and is CLEARLY not Michele. Twenty years ago, I'd have felt horrible about myself for days. Instead, I deleted the messages without response, blocked the man from my profile and got on with my day. Had I not known who I am and that surrounding yourself with people who build you up to be the person you know you can be is what's most important in relationships, I'd have worried myself to death wondering if maybe he was right about me.

So I'm looking for a decent guy. Someone nice. Someone NOT mean and angry who can't remember my name. I am completely and totally freaked out by it and I wish it happened just like in the movies. But it doesn't so... I'm dating. Again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You stick by what you want and don't feel bad about turning someone down. But nice about it as you can - but definitely take charge, life is too short to waste time with someone who is not "it".

(btw if you want to feel better about your dating situation and get some great dating horror stories - there is an ebook on that is awesome!)