Glimmer of Light

Wandering woefully along a desperate path
The glimmer of light at the end
Seems so far off
So I continue.
Distractions come frequently in various forms
Like ice cream and playful puppies
And a new guy
Who's so familiar.
The sand slips from the top glass
Into the bottom so quickly
Day after day
And I wait
For the heavens to turn my life over
End to end so
I can start again.
Sometimes encouragement makes an appearance
But only briefly so I will not falter
For I know
I cannot stop
Not now, not ever, not even on the most painful days.
Whether I run or skip or walk or trudge
Up every hill
And down into valleys
The key is to move it or lose it forever.
Sometimes I forget the greatness of my purpose
I lose sight
Of the why.
But I look up and see that glimmer of light
In the face
Of a child
Of a student, of a friend, of a relative, of a stranger
In need of love
of a little hope.
Like an empty cup, I beg and borrow and steal
For a refill so that I can pour out again
Into those around
Me, those nearby.
Sometimes I wonder if that glimmer of light at the end
Of this path is really anything at all or
Just a figment
Of my imagination.
Wandering willingly along a hopeful path
The glimmer of light at the end
Seems so bright today
So I continue.

Still I Rise

From Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you? 
Why are you beset with gloom? 
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken? 
Bowed head and lowered eyes? 
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you? 
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you? 
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs? 

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise. 

Placeholder

I am not a placeholder.

I am not a placeholder until you find a better date. A prettier girl. A smarter girl. A girl with a better body or what you think is a better body.

I am not a placeholder until you find better plans. A party. A friend you like better. A date with a guy who is looking for a better date.

I am not a placeholder for the other friend. A friend who always agrees with you. A friend who pays for dinner. A friend who always shares the perks of her job with you.

I am not a placeholder for your other daughter. A daughter who did everything in the right order. A daughter who rarely disappoints. A daughter who is good.

I am not a placeholder for the future doer of my job. A worker who is a morning person. A worker who stays inside the box. A worker who will stay for thirty years.

I am not a placeholder for anything that is not me. I am not a placeholder for anyone who is not me. I am not a placeholder.

I am the date. I am your plans for tonight. I am the friend and the daughter and the employee.

I am not. A placeholder.