I'm not one of those people who is motivated by someone telling me I can't do something. I am not that kind of a fighter. I fight for others. Not for me. I've watched that video of Pharrell crying on Oprah over and over. On some scale I have experienced that but more in the way of feeling pure joy and satisfaction in seeing others succeed or seeing them happy or seeing them finally realize their own potential. That is why I loved coaching. I especially loved coaching kids who didn't think they were good enough to play because I had the chance to uncover an ounce of potential and turn it into something rewarding for them, and for me.
For months, I have been thinking about quitting my job and selling everything I own and starting over completely. New career, new opportunities, new experiences. But, much like my lack of will to fight, I am also not very motivated to do things that feel like they are really for me and not for others. I started sorting through all of my belongings, donated bags and bags of items to charity, and unloaded a couch I have had for years on a kid starting out with his first apartment. I made a list of things I wanted to do like volunteering on Pine Ridge for a week and walking dogs at stray rescue. I calculated the risks. I dragged my feet. I went to work day in and day out. And while I loved my team and I loved our work, I was miserable.
On April 7th, I had a dream. I was stumbling through my office, bloodied from battle and I was dodging bullets being fired at my head. I shared the dream with a coworker (and friend). Today the battle ensued. The bullets missed me but I'm a little battered and my heart is torn. But, a window of opportunity has opened. And while it scares me nearly to death, I am about to embark on a new journey that will take me to amazing places.
There is a lot of work to be done. Work for others. Work for good. The kind of work that, when I see it played back, will bring me to joyous, happy tears. Ready or not? Well, I don't feel ready but I know I am prepared.