Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Top Ten Things I Do with My Dog (that would be more annoying if she wasa child)

Here is a list of the top ten things I do with my dog that would be more annoying if I was doing them with human children. Some of these things I swore I'd never do.

10. I complain about all of the toys strewn about my house and wonder aloud why they can't seem to find their way to the toy box.

9. I feel distraught when she behaves in a way that is contrary to what I've taught her (and sometimes I wonder what her life will become if I can't get her to act right).

8. I worry that she doesn't have enough friends or enough exposure to different people and animals.

7. I panic if I leave her alone for too long and I often leave her with my parents who "babysit" her. To make it worse, I call them frequently to check on her.

6. I imagine the horrible things that could be happening to her when I'm not around, like jumping through one of our second story windows in an attempt to find freedom.

5. I monitor her eating behaviors to make sure she's not eating too much but is getting enough nourishment to maintain her ideal body weight. (This is something I clearly don't even do for myself.)

4. I give her kisses constantly. Nothing on the lips. Just the cheek. Over and over and over.

3. I can't help but be concerned if she is warm enough. Now that she has a sweater (purchase for her by my sister), I am afraid her feet might be cold and often consider getting her some little booties. I have not buckled yet.

2. I examine her poop. Carefully.

1. I expect her to understand how I feel and to behave accordingly. I am frequently disappointed.

While most of those things already place me firmly in the crazy pet owner category, I suppose the good news is that I have room to get worse.

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