Being 40: Facebook Status

My facebook status is not an opportunity for you to bash me or rip me apart. It is not your long awaited chance to teach me a lesson or give me the "what for" or preach to me. My facebook status is mine.
That tiny window which captures a moment... MY moment... at the top of my Facebook page is not your moment. It's not a blank canvas awaiting the addition of the colors of your mood or pictures from your past. My facebook status is mine.

You do not know what the minutes leading up to that status were like for me. Perhaps they were joyous and fulfilling. And maybe they were sad and disappointing. I've seen other statuses that were tragic and pain-filled and some that seemed exciting or thrilling. All feelings I can appreciate and understand even if I have no idea what events lead to that person's posting.

You don't know how my day went unless you asked but most of you don't. In fact the majority of you have no idea how my life has gone except for what you see on Facebook.

My Facebook status is not an open door for you to judge. My Facebook status is mine. It should be taken at face value and no deeper than that. There are no hidden messages or meanings. It's a moment in time. It's a thought. It's sometimes incomplete but if I wanted to put the entire thought, I would. I just don't sometimes because... Well, honestly, it's because I write the whole thought and then I delete most of it because I feel that it may be inappropriate or it might hurt someone's feelings or it will cause me to get a flurry of emails from people who are judging me based on my Facebook status.

It's just my Facebook status. It's a sliver of my day, my month, my year, my life. But it's mine.

Being 40: Placeholder

I am not a placeholder.

I am not a placeholder until you find a better date. A prettier girl. A smarter girl. A girl with a better body or what you think is a better body.

I am not a placeholder until you find better plans. A party. A friend you like better. A date with a guy who is looking for a better date.

I am not a placeholder for the other friend. A friend who always agrees with you. A friend who pays for dinner. A friend who always shares the perks of her job with you.

I am not a placeholder for your other daughter. A daughter who did everything in the right order. A daughter who rarely disappoints. A daughter who is good.

I am not a placeholder for the future doer of my job. A worker who is a morning person. A worker who stays inside the box. A worker who will stay for thirty years.

I am not a placeholder for anything that is not me. I am not a placeholder for anyone who is not me. I am not a placeholder.

I am the date. I am your plans for tonight. I am the friend and the daughter and the employee.

I am not. A placeholder.

Being 40: Experiencing Life

If I had unlimited funds, I would spend my life giving other people experiences. I don't have a lot of material things but I have seen more and had more experiences than I can recount. Not all of them were joyous expeditions but I can honestly say that there is only one I would take back if I could. The rest, I believe, have made me who I am today. (OK, maybe they are ALL a part of who I am today but I'd still like to kick that one to the curb.) I count myself among the richest of the rich because of all I've been able to see and do.

For my nephew's birthday every year, we try to have some kind of an experience together. And this past Christmas, I decided that instead of giving gifts, from now on, I am giving experiences. Often it's not much but by doing this, I benefit too because I get to spend my time with the people I love.

So far this year, I have traveled to Memphis for the weekend with my family, saw the sites of Washington, D.C. with my nephew, sat 11 rows away from the beautiful men of New Kids on the Block with friends and listened to the croonings of Journey's new front man Arnel Pineda from the grass at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater. I've had dinners, seen movies, gotten pedicures and manicures and selfishly spent many a precious moment with some very dear people.

Maybe I am doing this for me, more than for everyone else... But I hope there are many many more experiences ahead for all of us.