Thursday, May 15, 2008

A Time

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

Sometimes I don't understand the timing of the events in my life. And I wonder how different the outcome of those events would have been in another time. Last August, I closed the doors on a rather lengthy chapter and entered into, what was supposed to be, a liberated phase of my life.

Financially free for the first time, finally emotionally stable after a two year sabbatical from relationships and optimistically looking into the future, I leaped into this new season. Optimistic is not a word typically used to describe me. But for the first time, I was walking on air. Nothing could bring me down. My confidence was at an all-time high and I was so excited about life. When I landed on my feet, I found myself in a new job that I loved, surrounded by people who laughed with me and believing that maybe my time had come.

A couple of months passed and I woke up one morning, not only grounded in nearly every area of my life but also in love. It was amazing and almost unbelievable to me that the pieces of my life's puzzle seemed to be falling into place after 36 years of impatiently but hopefully waiting. I had met someone who looked and felt like me in spirit. A mirror image almost... A good soul, an old soul... Strong in spirit, bold of heart...

Soon enough, he recognized that I seemed to be keeping pace with life a few steps ahead of him. He mentioned it. But I thought, if I kept moving and demonstrating how great life was from my view, that he would rush to catch up. But it wasn't time for him.

Obviously there is more to the story... but that's for us. (No offense, friends.)

Last night, I saw him for the first time in months. My heart is broken but my perspective has changed in the last month or so. Our timing really sucked. That's the bottom line. I hate that I met him at the time that I did. I hate that I got caught up in the middle of his weakness and recklessness. And I don't understand why fate orchestrated our meeting during that time. 
Because in another time, he and I would have or could have been really good together.

But we didn't meet in another time. And so, I am thankful anyway. Because I am afraid that if I hadn't met him in the midst of his mess, I may have never met him at all. And my life would be less because of it.

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