Being 40: Top Ten Differences Between Me & Nyjer Morgan

The 2011 NLCS shouldn't be about the bad or ridiculous behavior of one Milwaukee Brewer but it's always fun to have someone on the other team that riles you up a little bit and fuels the fire you have for your team. Kind of the same way that Nyjer Morgan dislikes the whole St. Louis Cardinals team. 

Just for fun I thought I'd see if Nyjer and I could be friends in another situation. Honestly, I did find some similarities. We are both loud. We are both confident. We have both dropped the F-bomb in a moment of excitement.  On the other hand, there are some pretty big differences. Here are the top ten differences between me and Nyjer Morgan.

10. Let's get the obvious ones out of the way. He's a man. I am a woman. He's not so tall. I am very tall. He's a cancer. I'm a Pisces.

9.  Nyjer hates the Cardinals. I love the Cardinals.

8.  Nyjer not only chews tobacco but he also throws it at people. I'd rather chew on cake or ice cream (as evident by my fabulous physique)and I am certainly not wasting it throwing it at other people.

7.  I respect the police. Nyjer taunts them.

Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

6. Nyjer has four alter egos: Tony Plush, Tony Hush, Tony Tombstone and Tony Gumble. I am just me. And I think that's enough.

5. I can spell.

4. I don't have to break into BEAST MODE to do my job well.

3.I don't have to steal the microphone to be heard. I am frequently hired to be on the mic. (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Michele-Rausch/85890115899)

2. I've never been spanked by Pujols.

(US Presswire)

1. My team has won the World Series 10 times.

Being 40:Visiting the Dentist

Jamming the metal hook between my wisdom tooth and my gums, the dental hygienist lectured me about the importance of visiting the dentist every six months. "It's not so we can remove the tarter from the back of your teeth Michele; it's so we can clear out the bacteria that grows in the gums and prevent gum disease," she said. Again, she dug into my gums with her metal tool. I felt like she was trying to hurt me so I wouldn't wait so long the next time. Granted, it had been two years...
But it's hard for me to make a visit to the dentist a priority. The older you get and the more responsibility you have, the more likely you are to push things to the back burner that aren't really urgent needs. I have never had a cavity. I have had two tooth aches in my lifetime. Both ended up being related to my sinuses. So the dentist... well... I don't really think of him very often. He's a nice man. He's hygienists are marginally kind. But I don't feel an urgency to visit them.

When I have a free moment that might be a good time slot for a doctor of some kind, I am more likely to see someone who can fix one of the many things that do ail me, like my creaking knees or my sore neck or... these ridiculous sinuses. DENTIST is at the bottom of the list.

The fact that I can go every two or three years and get out of there in under 45 minutes with clean teeth, a new toothbrush and some floss that I will likely only use after I've eaten ribs or corn on the cob, does not make the dentist's chances of getting a little Michele time any better.

And, for the record, ripping my gums apart with a metal hook in an effort to demonstrate how painful gum disease might be is a sure fire way for me to toss that 6 month reminder card in the trash on my way to the car.

Being 40: The Flu is... Still the Flu

I am not a good sick person. Doing nothing is difficult for me and when I am sick, I am non-functional. I lack focus for anything beyond soap operas and infomercials and I feel so weak I can hardly lift my big fat arms. But, when you are blowing noodle chunks through your nose, it's time to admit you have the flu and just sit down and relax.

Unlike many other things in life, the flu does not get easier with age. When I was a kid, my mom would set up a comfy bed of pillows and blankets on the couch in front of the television in our family room. Beside me she would set a big plastic olive green bowl. It was the puke bowl. And a TV tray with a cold rag, the thermometer and a small glass of coke syrup sat within arms reach. Every now and then, between wiping up the floors and ironing my dad's handkerchiefs, mom would come through the kitchen and into the family room to check on me. She'd plunge the glass thermometer filled with mercury into my mouth and jam it under my tongue and after a couple of minutes she'd remove it just as quickly. Then she'd make me take a sip of that coke syrup. Soda without carbonation that she'd get and Venker's drug store up the street... Mom would clean out the puke bowl and bring me a fresh cold rag and change the channel on the television to a new show (because back then... WAY back then... we didn't have remote controls for our televisions). I was sick and I was uncomfortable but I was taken care of and it was nice. I could sleep all day without worrying about how far I was falling behind at work. And within days, I was like new!

Today, after puking through my nose and choking up a glass of water, I curled up on the couch and took a couple of calls for work, answered some emails, had a conference call with a client and then I fell asleep. I woke up in a panic because I can't imagine how much work I have to catch up on tomorrow after two days on the DL (that's disabled list for you non-sports-minded folks). I ate some Jell-o and I hate Jell-o. Then I had a Diet Dr. Pepper and some mac & cheese. There was no fluffy bed of pillows and blankets. There was no temperature gaging or coke syrup. My mom wasn't around... and I thought... that's the problem!

Without our mom's we aren't forced to be good sick people. They made us stay in bed or on the couch. They forced fluids in us until we practically floated. They told us when we were better and it was ok for us to go back to school. It doesn't matter how old you are... The flu is still the flu. And sometimes, I suppose, you still need your mom.