Four Months

“Congratulations!” the nurse said as she rushed back into the room and thrust my paperwork under my nose.

Tears streamed down my cheeks immediately.

The nurse looked up. “I’m sorry?” she asked softly.

Single and pregnant. It seems that the moment you say out loud, “that will never be me,” it is you and the shock is overwhelming. Truthfully, news came as no surprise. I knew for days that I was pregnant. I just needed official confirmation. I notified the baby’s father only after I had called my three best friends.

The details of every day after that are vivid in my memory even ten years later. The changes in my body were undeniable and I loved pregnancy. But through the experience, I learned some of the hardest lessons in my life.

My baby never took a breath outside the womb. I never held him or saw his face. In fact he never grew larger than the size of a lemon. His time with me was short-lived but I still cherish every day we had. I am grateful for what he taught me. I am thankful for the joy and the sorrow.

Had all gone as planned, tomorrow would have been his 10^th birthday.

I will never forget, not even for a moment, that four months of my life. What a profound impact! Happy Birthday little guy.

The Best of 2009

Looking back, I realized that my writing from 2009 leaves a lot to be desired. Perhaps I should commit to blogging a little more often... In the meantime, here's a list of blogs from the last year to peruse and enjoy.

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/01/say-what-you-need-to-say.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/02/february-6th.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/02/birthday-time-again.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/03/play-ball.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/04/2-12-is-normal.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/05/finding-yourself.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/06/repost-you-mustnt-mess-me-about.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/07/happy-birthday-to-land-of-free-home-of.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/08/go-to-bed.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/09/field-of-dreams.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/10/baseballs-best-times.html

http://michelesingsit.blogspot.com/2009/11/early-detection-can-save-your-life.html

Committing to Commitment

For years, I have committed to a non-committal life-style.  It makes life easier because there's no fear of breaking rules or breaking hearts or breaking the bank thanks to a crashing stock market. And in keeping with that way of life, I stopped making New Year's resolutions. Why promise the world or yourself that you are going to change your life or just your hairstyle in honor of a new year when you know that three months from now, you will break your promise?

But as 2009 came to a close, I gave a lot of thought to my care-free, good-time-Charlie life. What an amazing time, I've had! There's nothing like waking up to freedom every day and passing your time on a whim. In spite of the trouble I've endured and my own personal heartache, my life has been so good. All said, I am blessed.

This year has already introduced great change into my life. I believe that if you want certain things, you must create an environment in which those things are possible. If you want to have a family, for example, you must create a home. If you want to cultivate your friendships, you must exude warmth and tenderness and care and concern. If you want great riches or great satisfaction, you must dedicate yourself to your work. In all things, you must open a door to opportunity, extend a hand to receive favor and embrace life so that it doesn't pass you by.

This week, I applied to adopt a puppy. Tomorrow, I will pay a visit to a duplex that I hope to buy. Next week, who knows? I'm committed to giving commitment all I've got in 2010 and I'm prepared for this leg of the journey to be as enjoyable and fulfilling as the last.