September: National Suicide Prevention Month

We don't talk about mental illness. We hide it in the back of the closet with the pants we will never fit in again and the sweater from grandma that we feel too guilty to throw away. We shove it in between the hairballs and dust bunnies that have created their own peaceful colony under the bed. We mumble about it between bites at dinner in a barely audible tone that might be confused for a sniffle or a cough. But we don't TALK about mental illness. We pretend as if it doesn't exist in the hopes that it will just go away.

However, like every other affliction of the human body, mental illness does not vacate on its own. In fact, for many, it does not vacate at all. Mental illness is a lifelong reality for people all around you but you wouldn't know it because they aren't allowed to talk freely about their health issue. The stigma carried with the mention of any mental illness whether it's schizophrenia or depression or bipolar disorder relegates the affected ones to a state of less than, not good enough, crazy.

My students use the term "bipolar" the same way we used the word "crazy." It's a word that is funny to them. People toss it around like they do the word gay. "You're so gay." "You're bipolar, Ms. R." Mental illness is a joke.

Unfortunately for a great number of people in the world population, it is not a joke. It is a disease like diabetes or arthritis or high cholesterol or hypothyroidism or GERD which all require daily care and daily medicinal treatment. Yet, we don't look at those who are diagnosed with GERD and tell them to suck it up and get their digestive systems together. We don't whisper behind the diabetic's back, "You know she has d-i-a-b-e-t-e-s..." We talk about it. We encourage others to stay healthy by sharing our stories. We are proud survivors or managers of our diseases UNLESS they are diseases related to our brains.

A few years ago, I was searching for an old, dear friend of mine. We hadn't seen each other since college but he was always on my mind. I reconnected with other mutual friends and acquaintances but I could never find him. I finally stumbled upon some photos of him playing ball overseas and eventually got in touch with his family. I missed him by just over a year. He had committed suicide. My heart was broken. It still is, quite frankly. I often imagine what it would have been like if we had gotten to see each other and talk to each other one more time.

I have a family member who also fights this seemingly impossible battle. The conditions of our nation's mental health institutions are deplorable. They are simply institutions, one step up from prison. In a country where we tout the importance of a balance between physical, mental and emotional wellness, I was horrified to find my family member in a building with no natural light, no windows, no outdoor space, no fresh air, no fitness facilities. They sat in a room full of sick people all day coloring and watching Maury. HOW ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO GET WELL IN THAT ENVIRONMENT?

It is time for us to talk about mental illness, openly and honestly. People don't DO anything to get it. It's a chemical imbalance that for some is temporary and for others lasts a lifetime. Everybody is susceptible. People with mental illness aren't sick because they were bad or irresponsible or broke the law. It just happens. We need to understand, accept and be ok with that. We need to acknowledge the need to develop treatment plans that do not treat the sick like criminals and offer WHOLE HEALTH plans to those who are capable of recovery but have not been given the tools to do it.

Talk. Share your story. Help prevent a suicide. Break down the stigma. Reach out. Hugs don't heal but they help.

And if you are thinking about taking your own life, please stop. I might not know you but I know my world will shift dramatically without you in it. I need you holding up your corner so I can have balance in mine. (And I promise to do the same for you.) Now, call this number and start your journey to real freedom:  1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Are You Coachable?

At the age of eight, I played my first volleyball game. My career ended my senior year in college as an All-Conference Middle Hitter. Since my college days, I have been coaching. From camps to running a program for 3rd through 8th graders for eight years to coaching high school volleyball, l have remained involved in the sport that was my first love.

Over the years, the athletes who have entered my gym have changed dramatically from super-driven, do-whatever-it-takes kids who were pushed and encouraged by their parents to young people who have difficulty grasping the concept of team and who hear their coaches but don't necessarily listen to them. We created a society of student athletes who believe they deserve recognition, they deserve the classiest uniforms, and they deserve to win without ever really putting in the work required. I believe that started when we stopped keeping score and started giving trophies to everyone who showed up.

But volleyball is a GAME. Basketball is a game. Football is a game. Soccer is a game. The use of the word GAME alone implies that someone is supposed to WIN. Not everybody gets to have that experience. WE don't all get to take home the trophy. In team sports, the big trophies are awarded to THE WHOLE TEAM who SHARES ONE TROPHY. That's how it works. And in order to win, you have to be faster, stronger, better, more focused than the your opponent. The team must be comprised of a squad full of coachable people. What does that mean? Are you coachable?

Being a coachable athlete is to be like clay, moldable and stretchable beyond what you think your limits are.

If you already have all the answers or criticism makes you angry, you are not coachable. If you hear the coaches' instructions or guidance but you continue to do things your way, you are not coachable. If you quit (quit the team, quit performing a skill that makes you uncomfortable or that you don't like, quit in the midst of the game), you are not coachable.

If you willingly adjust when coaches ask (or yell) something, you are coachable. If you are the first in the gym and the last one out, you are coachable. If you are working on your skills on your own time, following the coaches' teaching, you are coachable. If you implement the plan laid out by the coach (EVEN IF YOU LOSE), you are coachable. If you hustle without being asked, give your coach your undivided attention, and you leave 100% on the court every single practice and every single game, even when you are mad at your coach, you are coachable.

And if you are coachable, the possibilities for your future OUTSIDE of sports are endless. Sports has a direct correlation to life. (That means, it is related.) The work ethic you practice in sports will carry over to your jobs. Your ability to build a chemistry with teammates will translate to your success as a cooperative and collaborative co-worker. How well do you bounce back when you lose or even FAIL? If you learn to do it now, mistakes in life will be easier to recover from or overcome.

As sure as the sun rises and sets, you will have setbacks and disappointments in sports, AND in life. Most of us already have experienced that. But being an athlete means you are determined, driven to succeed, relentless in your pursuit of perfection, adaptable, able to bounce back and refocus for the next time, willing to love your team through difficulties and exalt them in successes ABOVE YOURSELF. Being an athlete means being coachable.

Are you coachable?

Good Time Charlie vs. Education

Working in the advertising industry is a lot like being on MTV's The Real World. Instead of "seven strangers...picked to live in a house...work together and have their lives taped... to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting real," the uniqueness of the ad biz is created by teams of people spending an inordinate amount of time together, both day and night, learning quickly the quirks and habits of each other and working toward common goals with ridiculous deadlines. It might not sound the exactly same to most people but if you've lived it, you understand. You cannot be successful as a team without constant interaction, without figuring out what makes your cohorts tick and without collaborating in a way that sets up each and every member of the team for success. When one fails, all fail and when one succeeds, all succeed. 

Advertising is the one industry that understands the true definition of team. The successful agency fosters team ideals. And while, the almost anti-rule environment, random hours and freedom of creative thought doesn't necessarily always translate to other business models or industries, the rest of the world could learn something from the ad world because it is about PEOPLE. In order to achieve success as a team, it is just as critical to support and build up the other players as it is to improve individual skills. The sharing of ideas is the impetus to crossing the finish line in first place. 

I miss advertising because I miss the teams. Being a teacher has allowed flourishing creativity which has been a joy but the lack of teamwork has been disheartening. I don't want to give the impression that nobody wants to work as a team but the culture of a workplace determines the level of teamwork "allowed" or encouraged. I had hoped for constant sharing and pouring into one another's lives as I had previously experienced. So far, I have experienced little or no sharing of great ideas. Others hold ideas so close to the vest while I would welcome the opportunity to throw my plans and ideas on a share drive for anyone to use. It's disheartening because I expected people who live to help children find success to be as encouraging and edifying to the other teachers in their circle. And my experience during my master's program led me to that expectation, I was surrounded by great teachers who nearly overwhelmed me with their thoughtfulness and kindness, all aimed at making sure I would become a great teacher too.

The world sees advertising as a space filled with a bunch of good time Charlies but I know it to be a place where you are surrounded by friends at your lowest lows and the celebrations of success and the big wins are shared with incredible teammates who feel more like family than coworkers. The ad industry made me rich in relationships and my teammates taught me how to be a better team player every day. I miss all my Charlies. I miss being about people and building relationships and loving each other while loving what we do.

Education should take note.