The Ride

This weekend, prodded by my friends who feel that I am far too pessimistic, that I don't know how good I am and that I don't believe anything good will ever happen to me... I decided, against my better judgement, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I fell into the trap of foolish optimism. That decision led to a two day roller coaster ride that took me to an unbelievable high but plunged me deep into reality a short time later.

I suppose that's what life is all about... Highs and lows... Twists and turns... Life is about the ride.

Jumping on the roller coaster takes guts, courage and at least some sense of optimism. You wouldn't get in the car if you didn't initially hope for the best outcome. A lot of people don't get on the ride. They watch from the bottom. Some of them make it through the lines of people and when they have the opportunity to board, they change their minds. Others get on but they are satisfied to sit in the middle.

I used like to sit in the front car. There was a time in my life when my cup overflowed optimistic. I liked the feeling of charging up the steep hills and the rush of air that hits your face as you sail back down at breath-taking speeds. But I learned, through far too many experiences, that sitting in the front can lead to disappointment. So I moved to the back of the ride. The last car... Perhaps it's age and the wisdom that comes from it. But I have learned to watch the people that go before me and learn from their experiences. I recall my past and what happened before so when I hit the hills, I hold on and just before the down fall, I take a deep breath.

My friends call that pessimistic. I call it realism. I know what CAN happen so I prepare myself.

In spite of all of that wisdom and age and experience... I thought for just a moment that perhaps good things can happen to Michele. Maybe I have served my time in disappointment. Maybe my number is up! I thought it was my turn for the fairy tale, for the happy ending. The stuff that doesn't happen to me, appeared to be happening. My reservations were cast aside by my cohorts. And I jumped on board... in the front car.

For a day, I lived a dream. The ride was exhilarating. It was a little scary at times but I let go. I threw my hands in the air, threw caution to the wind. It felt amazing. I was soaring.

But the ride came to an unexpected halt. Someone slammed on the brakes. And it was over.

I felt a little jerked around and I am a little bruised. And I felt really silly for having thought that this ride would be any different from the others. It's the same route, the same rail. The ride doesn't change.

It will be some time before I get back on the roller coaster. And when I do, I might sit in the middle for a while... Seat belt on, holding on tight... I might even close my eyes.

Better

People are always looking for something better. "Better", more high tech electronic gadgets, "better" cars with "better" gas mileage, a "better" job... But could the endless search for something better leave you with something less than stellar or even worse, nothing at all.

Many are looking for "better" offers or "better" opportunities. Sometimes, you hope that a "better" group of friends will invite you out so you don't have to go out with the same old crowd again this weekend. In fact, even when you have good offers and good opportunities served up by good friends, you keep one ear near the phone just in case a "better" situation presents itself. And you're fully aware that you do it and don't feel bad about it at all. Do you equate people with stuff in your effort to find what you believe is "better?"

What if what is better is what you've already got? Yet your lack of attention or inability to stop looking for a moment for something "better" inhibits your ability to recognize that you have it already. The constant, frantic exploration of what's out there occupies so much of your time that there are few hours left to enjoy what you have and to see its potential. It's possible too that when you take up the "better" offer, you are missing out on something that was really meant for you in the grand scheme of your life. You pass up life-defining moments because you are so busy hoping for something better.

At the end of the day, you could have a lot of stuff and a lot of people in your life. But none of them are the "better" things or people you have been seeking. When you are unable to find fulfillment in all of your stuff and in all of the people around you, you might realize that you've really got nothing at all.

Bettering yourself and your environment is not entirely bad. But I submit that we should focus a little more on what we've got. Better might be standing right in front of you and you don't even realize it.

Taxi!

Hailing a taxi, in many cities across the country, is second nature for people. For many, it is their primary mode of transportation. But in midwestern cities like St. Louis, taxicabs are not always readily available.

As a child, I rode with my mom in a taxi a few times. But she would have to call the cab company and set up an appointment for them to pick her up. And then, on the way home, she would have to do the same. She couldn't just step off the curb and wave her arm.

There has been a lot of controversy in St. Louis over the last couple of months regarding drinking and driving. Some very vocal people have stepped up and said they don't understand what the big deal is. People, they say, should just take a taxi.

Well then, we should make it easy for them to take a taxi. It shouldn't cost me almost $40 to get a ride to my house IN THE CITY from a downtown bar. And I shouldn't have to walk 2 or 3 or 4 blocks to find one.
We also need to assure people that leaving their cars at a bar or a party when they go home is OK. I don't know how we erase the stigma of leaving the car you brought with you and taking a cab when you leave but we have to find a way. People leave the firends that they came with to hook up with strangers all the time so one would think this would be a relatively easy task. But I understand it... a little. Two friends of mine have had cars stolen from the parking lot right across the street from our favorite hangout. And, as my loyal readers will recall, some idiot TRIED to steal my car twice.
In the end, I guess cab companies can gouge you at the meter because getting a safe ride home, no matter the cost, is better than being dead. And your life should be worth more than your car, so leaving it behind should be worth the risk.

That said, it would be nice to find a safe and secure and relatively cost-effective way to save lives.

Last night, I drank too much. It's not the first time and it won't be the last. I left my car behind and took a taxi home. When I woke up this morning, I was thankful to be alive. And, I'm only a LITTLE worried about my car.